Tony Abbott: The Regression Australia Had To Have

Mayor Quimby said it best on The Simpsons:

 "I've had it with you people, you're nothing but a bunch of fickle mush-heads!"

I've always loved that line. It rings true in the best of people. Many of us have deep seeded political beliefs, and a lot of us will speak at great lengths on those beliefs, but in a lot of ways... Quimby nailed it. We are a bunch of fickle mush-heads. Give us hell, Quimby!

Oh wait, you don't believe me? I have proof.

Bam. That's not satire, that's today's front page. I know, I was as shocked as you are. This was a newspaper I used to write, edit headlines and copy, and design pages for. It's fairly common knowledge that private newspapers are not held to bipartisan reporting standards, but the sheer... STRAYA-ness of this page just kind of hits you in the face, doesn't it? I'd say it's the most blatant of a series of pretty fucking blatant electioneering pieces the rag has run in this month's campaign. I can only hope that some of the low information voters that read the Tele follow the infographic above Tony's shoulder and put a tick in the box instead of a 1. That is what I've been left with. Hoping the people that think this guy should lead our country are also stupid enough not to work their pen properly. Sigh.

So ... how did it come to this, really? Less than a week away from the election and people are so confident that The Mad Monk is going to get in that they've started making some pretty extravagant bets. (This is also probably why Centrebet has stopped taking action on the election and paid out Tony already.) Julia Gillard was set for a blinding defeat by the LNP before old Ruddy wrested power back from her, but even Rudd has toppled in his popularity, shooting his wad a little early, if you will, announcing all his big election policies (membership voting, PNG solution, etc) too soon and having people get bored of him and remembering what they didn't like about him.

My friends are convinced I hate Tony Abbott, by the amount of news articles/memes I share which cast him in an unfavourable light. Others in comments sections accuse me of being a Labor Shill™ or a communist because I continually point out the flaws in LNP policy (the most common flaw being a lack thereof) and Tony's complete lack of political charisma or finesse. Yet despite being a self confessed political tragic, I would identify as a swing voter in most every way. I believe the reason why Australia has had such good political leadership during its history is because the population has, for the most part, held fairly decent governments to account if their standards slip even a little. 

 

One of my favourite blogs, (before I had this blog) was my rant about Kevin Rudd the day the first spill happened in 2010. It was a pretty typical example of how people were feeling after 3 years of Rudd's populist, please-everyone approach to politics.

 

What I'm worried about right now, is that us fickle mush-heads are really slipping in the scrutiny of Tony. It seems that the majority of Australians are bored of Labor's bland brand and are itchy for a change of federal government. As such, the rose-coloured glasses are well and truly being placed in front of our would-be PM. His 20 years in politics, for most of which he has been a Liberal party 'attack dog' of sorts, have been glossed over, repackaged and rebranded as the more moderate and reasoned family man he's been behaving as the last year. He's also been as closed mouthed as a politician can get for a large majority of the campaign, refusing serious scrutiny on shows such as Q & A for his more managed, prepared and scripted statements. After all, this is a guy who made it clear he could only be trusted to speak truly if his script was carefully prepared. Yet he marches to the polls like our lord and saviour, set before the Australian flag on our nation's most popular newspaper.

I know it's wrong to despair. I know it's the way politics goes, and the newspolls spazzing out over the last few weeks have done nothing but reinforce Mayor Quimby's point. In fact, even after slandering Tony and being less than impressed with Kevin 2.0, I still kind of feel a little fickle myself. The Green vote doesn't even seem like a great pick, despite aligning with my beliefs on almost every issue -- mainly because the minority Govt. they were a part of for so long has left its mark on the major parties, with both deciding that Milne, Bandt, Hansen-Young and the gang are cumbersome to the political process and not even worth preferencing.

"What do we do Willskis? Is it a douche and a turd again?" I hear you ask. Well, the short answer is yes. It is. But as for what to do, I think you know what you have to do, and you're not going to like it, you fickle mush-head.

Vote. Below. The. Line. In. The. Senate.

This year, I can't stress this enough. I know this year we have as many parties in the Senate as in 1999, where the ballot paper was affectionately dubbed: 'The Tablecloth'

 

 

 That means it's going to take a while. Maybe over an hour in that crappy little voting cardboard thing. "Ugh, but I have a Saturday to enjoy! I have alcohol/drugs/cake to ingest and TV/my cat/paint drying to watch! Why the fuck would I vote below the line?" Well, only because it is crucially important to a healthy democracy is all. No biggie. This year, a lot of minor parties have struck bizarre preferencing deals and that [1] you put for lolz next to the Australian Sex Party may have rolled its way down the preferencing line to One Nation. Do you want Pauline Hanson for PM, Hitler? (note for the dull: joking about the PM. Not joking about the preferences)

Unfortunately, as we all know, fickle mush heads don't understand the value of a healthy democracy. They weigh up the afternoon spent filling in a ballot vs a year of ensured proper, reasoned debate that they do not see, understand, or particularly care about, and a [1] above the line and an afternoon of Skittles on the couch will win every time.

So that leaves us, the people with a fucking brain in their nut, to do the boring below the line bit. If you're still not convinced I want you to read this list. It is a manifesto of sorts that the Institute of Public Affairs put to Tony Abbott to enact should he be elected. I want you to read this list and tell me how many of them you think are GOOD ideas. If your answer is anything other than 'none' then try slapping yourself and reading them again. Repeal, abolish, cut, rinse, lather, repeat. This is what the upper class of Australia want to see. I remind you, this is the wish list of people who claim to pay too much tax --  while the majority of tax is paid by MIDDLE income earners, or the proletariat holding up this vulture class. These rich players in the IPA want to see all these changes enacted in order to protect their established commercial interests in the name of the 'economy'.

Tony Abbott: "So, ladies and gentlemen, that is a big “yes” to many of the 75 specific policies you urged upon me in that particular issue of the magazine….but Gough Whitlam I will never be!"

 

This is why we need a strong, diverse, and above all LOUD senate this year. The plurality of voices in the Upper House will be the only thing stopping an Abbott-led LNP government from enacting legislation in the interests of the few, not the many. And because I really have to stop blogging and get back to my Post-Grad coursework, then I will leave you with this tip:

Voting below the line, every box has to be filled in. Three mistakes are allowed before your vote does not count at all. HOWEVER. This is a trick I have recently learned and HOPEFULLY it will help all you brainy non-mush-heads out there who are going to be political pros and vote below the line with me next weekend.

The trick is: Sometimes, you only want to preference certain parties and after that you don't really care. Well, make your preferences up to where you like, THEN make a deliberate mistake.

If you need this spelled out, here's an example. Let's say, you only want to preference 50 candidates. Once you finish the 50th, you make two '51' marks randomly on the page. You then continue filling out the rest of the paper in whatever order you like. Because you have made less than THREE mistakes (all boxes are filled, only mistake is the two 51's), your vote will still be counted. However, because your preferencing becomes unclear at the 51st candidate, any preferences after that WILL NOT be counted. Which leaves you all the more time to go home and eat skittles on the couch and watch the Mad Monk rise to glory.

ORRRRRR.... you could all vote Labor and watch Tony Abbott (and the punter who put $750k on him) go into a meltdown of Miley-level proportions. I'm just sayin'.

Until next time,

Peace and Love
Willskis