Nation sighs in unison as it realises it has to consider Bill Shorten

A national cold front has emerged from the sheer gale force created around 2:45pm today as Malcolm Turnbull began talking about jobs and growth. A collective expulsion of breath coalesced in most Australian communities as voters nationwide realised they had to consider the other bloke to avoid any further nonsense like this interrupting their Sunday afternoons.

People everywhere have flocked to social media to lament the dreary conditions caused by the misty, heavy breath of resignation appearing in most Australian lounge rooms. One tweeter Twittered: “I can’t stop sighing now I realise I might have to vote for another career charlatan instead of someone who might actually do something, just to get this smug git off my TV.”

Jenny Window, of Raymond Terrace NSW, has been been feeling the effects the cold, gloomy conditions that the nation’s collective sigh has brought to her own street on her Instagram account. “Fifty-six election days? For f^@k’s sake. Now I won’t have any sunny backdrops for my #fitspo blog I’m hoping to make money off. Nothing but the creeping fog of despair. That won’t sell my f@%king new energy drink slash protein shake I’m hoping to invent.”

Meteorologists nationwide have predicted the windy, unfavourable conditions caused by the sigh will affect weather patterns across our great brown land all throughout the upcoming election cycle, branding the phenomenon ‘Bill Niño’. Climate scientists were not available to comment as they have all mysteriously been fired by the CSIRO.